Headquarters to unit 16
Report to Farid El-Atrash building on Nile Road
Fire department, report of a fire at Farid El-Atrash building
Kill Me, Please
Starring: Fouad El-Mohandes
Shweikar
With: Hassan Hamed
Story by: Hassan Hamed
Screenplay: Ahmed El-Molla
Production Manager: Sayed Aly
Director of Photography: Mustafa Hassan
Produced by: Al-Nisr Al-Araby Films
Directed by: Hassan El-Seify
Damn you!
Help! My blood's run dry!
Have some mercy!
- Want a soft drink? - A soft drink?
At a time like this?
Help, Nabih!
Shall I light you a cigarette?
Cut it out. I've stopped smoking
Shall I make you some coffee?
Coffee, you son of a... at a time like this?
Watch your words. You’re minutes away from the afterlife
- Nabih... - What?
- Scratch my itch - At a time like this?
- Don't scratch or you’ll fall - I have to scratch
I can't reach you
Bring me Amina! She's the one who understands me
We called her. She's on her way
Adel... Adel!
Don't worry, madam
Where's Adel? What happened to him?
Don't worry, Amina, I’m not dead yet
But I need to scratch
- Alright, darling - Where to, madam?
To Adel. I have to scratch him
When he gets down do what you want to him
I’m dead... dead!
Don't be afraid. Let go...
- I’m ticklish! - Don't worry, I'm with you
I can't... no way!
Don't be afraid, darling
Oh, God. Oh, God!
I survived a certain death!
May God protect you from all harm
What happened was your fault
- My fault? - Yes
Yes, yours
Mr. Adel insisted -
on hanging up the new curtains you bought together
so you'd come home to find them up
He brought a ladder, stood at the window and started hammering
suddenly he rolled out of the window like a clown
I ran to him and found him hanging there
I must have that window bricked up. Find me a workman to do it
Alright
You went through all that for me? Curse me!
Don't say that, Amina
You know I couldn't live for a second without you
Oh, my head!
Oh, my hand!
I don't think I'll be able to scratch with it again
Shall I scratch for you, darling?
This shot'll make you sleep. you’ll wake up strong as a horse
No, no shots, Amina
I can't watch you getting pricked, darling
I'll come check on you in the morning
Amina... Amina
Help, Amina!
Don't leave me in the hands of this savage
I'm not Amina. Give me your arm
No, wait
- Give it to me in my leg - Don't be silly
Wait... give it to me in this leg
You're being childish
- Look here... - What?
Give it to me through the quilt... please, please!
Stop acting like a baby
What a hard time you’re giving me!
Your hand's like a grindstone! Call yourself a doctor?
You’re right. You need a vet
- I have no time for you - Where to?
I have a hospital, clinic and patients to attend to
- Should I babysit you? - Will you leave me alone?
The shot I gave you
will make you sleep till I’m back
I’ll take you out for a night you never dreamed of
Hey! We didn't ask Amina to come
Amina shouldn't be present at the place we’re going to
It's a special night out for you
to celebrate your rescue
and the end of your bachelorhood
Drink up, enjoy the evening
I've drunk a lot and you know I’m not a drinker
Drink up, man. It's your last chance
You drink and let me be
Excuse me for a minute
Don't leave me alone, please!
Some woman might join me... and you know I can't cheat on Amina
Stop hallucinating; what woman would join you?
There's nobody here but... lovely roses
Yes, roses with thorns
Why are you so rude?
Why don't you clap like the others
and encourage the pretty dancer?
It is rude of me... I didn't notice
It's not too late
- You can clap now - Alright
- Is this good? - Yes. Sit down
Good
- Sir - Yes?
- Sir - Nothing, thanks
Didn't you clap?
I was showing my appreciation
Appreciation?!
You call the waiter and don't order?
Where do you think you are?
Sorry, my mistake
- Bring me... - A bottle of whiskey
A bottle of whiskey, I said
Another one?
A bottle of whiskey and put it on his bill
Alright
Hello, hello
- Thank you for this nice invitation - My pleasure
Drink, drink
Let's drink to Safiya's health
I can only drink to Amina's health
Amina? Oh, I get it
Your gal's called Amina
Yes; Amina's my fiancée; we're getting married soon
- Really? - Yes
- Congratulations - Thank you
Let's drink to Safiya and Amina's health
To Amina and Safiya's health
Your health, darling
Your health, my sweet precious love
When you stay away for too long know what I think?
- What? - That you got married
How can I possibly get married without asking your opinion?
- About what, darling? - My choice of bride
And who is this so called bride?
Who else but you, sweet...
Come in
Mr. Tutu's waiting for you
- Tell him I’m coming - Alright
Excuse me, because of Mr. Tutu
Safiya and Khadiga's health
No, no, you got it wrong
Amina and Samiha
Yes, yes, my mistake
The health of Amina and Sam...
Who the hell's Samiha?
I don't know. To...
You're really drunk, Adel
To Amina
- And Safiya - Safiya?
- Yes - And who's he?
My pal
Hello. Who's he?
I don't know. All I know is that he loves Safiya,
the belly dancer who was on just now
Is that so! How do you do?
- Good evening - Hello. Please have a seat
- Thank you - Adel... Safiya
That's... that's...
Come sit beside me, ducky
- Shut up - Alright
Acting so macho and scaring me to death!
To Safiya's health
- And Amina's - And Amina's
To Hassan and Na'ima
Hassan and Na'ima
To Raya and Sekina
Raya and Sekina
Adel... what's wrong?
What is it?
Everything's spinning... I want Amina
Come with me
I'll take you to her
- Easy on me - Alright
- I can't walk - Alright
That's enough
I've had enough
Excuse me, now
- No, Nabih... - What?
Don't leave me, I can't make it home alone
- You can't what? - Make it home
You're home already
- I’m home? - Yes
Where's that? Our house got lost
It's your mind that's lost
You're at home, in your bed
- Bed? - Yes
Where's the bed? It got lost
You're in a bad state
I have no time for this. Bye
- No! - What?
Don't leave me, Nabih. I don't feel right
What do you mean?
I have a feeling I’m going to die but I don't know what from
My condolences. May you rest in peace
- Bye, now - Nabih...
What?
Cover me up; I’m dying of cold
That won't do. You must die warm
Do you understand how I feel and that I’m going to die?
- As a brother... - Yes
- and your doctor - Yes...
- I'll be honest - Yes...
- I'll hide nothing - Tell me
You're suffering from a spiral collapse of the nervous system
I haven't bought the wedding trousseau yet -
and my nervous system collapses?
Poor Amina! Her heart will break
That's life
If it worries you,
postpone the wedding till you're cured
- Cured? - Yes
When will that be?
Very soon...
In about 10 years
I'll be cured in 10 years...
In 10 years I'll be cured...
Years... 10... I'll be cured
In 10 years I'll be cured...
Nabih...
Where's Nabih?
Nabih got lost
Where am I?
I got lost
Adel...
- Amina - Adel
I can't die and leave her a widow
I can't, I can't!
Why don't you do something?
What should I do?
Commit suicide, kill yourself and end it
It's an idea
Where are you going?
To kill myself; I'll be right back
Are you nuts to heed the devil?
What should I do?
Obey your mom and dad
And what would they advise?
That you marry Amina and enjoy your love
Marry her only to die two weeks later?
Life is in God's hands
Leave Amina a widow?
The fates are always merciful
Stop philosophizing; let me kill myself and end it
Heed my advice, don't be a fool
Don't be rude...
or by God, I’ll poke your eyes out
Do whatever you want. I've done all I can
What angels of temptation are those?
I can make up my own mind...
I must kill myself and save Amina from suffering
What an idea!
I might get hurt. No
I bear witness that there's no God but Allah...
Forgive me, God!
Forgive me, Amina
When Amina comes to see you in the morning
and finds you dead
she could be accused of killing you
I haven't thought of that... you’re right
Amina should come and find me gone
Goodbye, Amina. I’m going away
to the farthest place in the world
I’m going to the afterlife by the shortest route
A noose will get me there in seconds
Amina
It grieves me to break your heart by leaving you
But what's written is written
I prefer to rid you of me now
rather than have you widowed
Goodbye, Amina, the noose is waiting
Goodbye, Amina
Goodbye
Amina, help!
Why are you so terrified?
Should I be shouting with joy?
Don't worry, we’re colleagues
And since we’re here, let's work together,
and split the loot 50/50
50/50? Split what?
Are you going to play dumb?
Just because you got here first doesn't mean we should argue
Let's not fight, we’re in the same trade
Oh, the same trade
Why didn't you say so? You terrified me
I bet you thought I was the owner of the house
Yes
- I’m a thief, same as you - Pleasure to meet you
Have a seat
You shouldn't work drunk and give the trade a bad name
Now look here
I’m a real pro
I can't work unless I’m drunk
Can you estimate the value of all these antiques while drunk?
- This, for example... - No
It's a fake, it costs 150 Piasters
- and it's broken here - Really!
- Here - You’re right
Don't trouble yourself. Here
Try this
Wow! Just as if it was the real key!
I have all the keys to this flat
Good work. Looks like you've been watching this flat a long time
You could say I've been living here
Hey! This is nice
It's worthless, cost 3 Pounds from Khan El-Khalili
You’re smart; you know all the prices,
Khan El-Khalili bazaar, everything
Forget about that; let's have a drink
Where are you going? Want to ruin us?
- Come on - You’re a bold one!
The lights are on. You want to sit here till the owner catches us?
Don't worry; just come on
Come here
The owner of this place must be a real idiot
- What's with you, man? - What?
- Don't call him an idiot - Why not?
I don't know
He has a swing hanging from the shower
He intends to swing in it by the neck
You mean hang himself?
He's given up on life
Discovered he is sick and wanted to end his misery
Good Lord! Poor guy
He's in a pitiful state
He's in love with a woman he can't marry
because death is after him
Enough, man. You’re breaking my heart
Really!
You seem like a sensitive sympathetic guy
and a good guy like me
That's why I want a favour from you
Command me
- Kill me - What?
- Please - What are you saying?
I’m the owner of this place
I don't want to die by stabbing
because that’ll hurt
I want you to take me by surprise,
and be quick, so I won't feel it
Is this some kind of trick?
What kind of man asks to die?
I want to end my life before marrying Amina
so as not to leave her in a mess
What's the need for all this?
I have a very serious disease
I can't wait for death to come for me
So please, kill me
Good Lord! Do you insist?
Please! But keep that thing away from me
I'll give you 100 Pounds
- 100 Pounds? - Yes
Forget it; I’m committing a crime here
I haven't finished
100 Pounds in advance
and a check for 400 after my death
400! That makes 500 Pounds altogether?
It's my pleasure to be of service
That's true chivalry!
Listen...
you must kill me within 48 hours
No problem, right now, if you like
Or would you rather I surprise you?
Exactly! Surprise me
Because I scare easy,
and if I see you I'll scream,
and get you in trouble
Don't worry about a thing
Let's go
What's your name?
No, no, make it out to the holder
- Good thinking! - Yes
You've reassured me regarding my death. I thought you were stupid
400 Pounds only
Here's the signature
and the 400 Pounds
Here's the 100 advance
Count it; can't trust anyone these days
you’ll be very pleased with your death, God willing
If you have any other friends who want to die
I’m at their service
I’ll have to try you out first
If I’m satisfied
I’ll give you great publicity
- Fine - But tell me
Are you going to kill me yourself?
These are secrets of the trade
It might not be me
You know me and might be scared if you see me
I might send one of my guys...
Dongol or Shalata, Karkouda or Watermelon
Please, send someone with a light hand
- That would be Watermelon - Watermelon... that's the guy
Goodbye
Go out through the door that no one see you
Don't worry. I’ll go out the way I came in
- Goodbye - Don't forget
- 48 hours - Don't worry
If you don't kill me I’ll stop the cashing of the check
No need; I’ll wipe you out before that
I swear by Abul Saud
Sir, sir
Sir
I've changed my mind, please don't kill me
Please don't kill me, Mr. Watermelon
Watermelon?
It's not even in season yet
Sir
Watermelon
It's you, Sayed
Yes, sir. What's wrong?
Why are you sleeping here?
- How did you get in? - Through the kitchen as usual
Listen
Take this key,
go out through the kitchen of the next door flat
and take the lock off the front door
- Go on - Alright
- Go - Alright
Hello, Nabih. This is Adel
Listen
Drop what you’re doing and come over right away
I’m not joking; I beg you, come right away
or it may be too late for me
I’m not joking. Hurry, please
- Who is it? - Don't be afraid, sir
It's me, Sayed. What is it?
Nothing, nothing, Sayed
I’m going to my room now
Please lock the door
and don't let anyone in
except Dr. Nabih, understood?
Nobody but Dr. Nabih
- Nobody but Dr. Nabih - Yes
If you let anyone else in I’ll break your neck
Nobody but Dr. Nabih
Coming, coming
Dr. Nabih?
No, the milkman. Open up, idiot!
Where's Adel?
He's locked himself in his room
He's waiting for you
My God!
Just a second, he won't open the door
- Why not? - He just won't
- Who is it? - Sayed
- Give me a sign - I work for you
- Nabih - What's wrong, Adel?
- Help me! - What happened?
What happened is too much to tell
Just calm down
and tell me everything in detail
Calm down! What happened?
- My heart - What's wrong with it?
It's beating
It's normal for your heart to beat
It's going boing, boing
- Boing? - Yes
What do you mean by "boing"?
Didn't you say yesterday that I was dying?
I said that?
Yes, when we returned from the nightclub
Idiot! You were real drunk
You insisted I examine you or you wouldn't let me go home
I was forced to humour you and say what I said
I assure you you’re in excellent health
you’ll live for another million years
- Are you sure? - Of course!
May God ruin you!
What's with the sharp tongue?
I’ll sharpen my tongue, my foot, my hand and my hair, too!
Why?
Do you know what your words led me to do?
- What? - I’m going to die within 48 hours
Come on, stop talking nonsense
Sayed. Sayed
- Sayed, damn you! - Yes?
Close the doors, windows and water taps
- Don't let anyone in - What if someone asks for you?
- I’m dead - Impossible
I’m not lying. If I say I’m dead then I’m dead
Dead means dead
Oh! You bringer of calamity
Sit down and tell me what happened
- Who is it? - Open up, Sayed
- Who are you? - Who else
I’m Amina
I know you’re Miss Amina
But my orders are to ask
What's going on? Where's your master?
- He's dead - Dead?
Open up, quickly! Oh, Adel!
Open up!
Who is it?
Sayed. The sign is you just said you were dead
Open up, quickly! Oh, Adel!
Open up!
Who's that screaming?
Miss Amina. I told her you were dead so she's crying
You should've said it was Amina, idiot!
Get out of my sight
I only said what I was told to say
Adel! What a loss!
Not yet, don't scream yet
What? Why did the boy say you were dead?
- He's right - I don't understand
I’ll explain everything. Come
That's what happened and now I don't know what to do
You have to come stay with us
so they wouldn't find you
Great idea!
Till we find those guys and explain
Suppose I went out
and they recognize me and kill me?
Don't worry, we’ll be with you
Put on your jacket and let's go
Alright
Adel, Adel
Where are you, darling?
I’m not here
- What is this? - Come on
I can't go into the street; he might be waiting
Stay here while I get a cab
Alright
If something happens to me will you be upset?
God forbid, darling. I couldn't live one second without you
- I have a favour to ask you - What?
If I die don't wear black
How could I not?
Black brings me bad luck
- What should I wear? - Red
- Red! - Yes
So you can stand out amidst the mourners
Alright
Good Lord, he must be sick
Can I help you?
What's going on?
Good Lord, he must be crazy!
Sit down, Adel
I can't Amina, I can't
Why, God?
I feel like I’m dead and you’re the angel judging me, Amina
Don't say that, darling
If she's an angel what am I?
You’re the devil behind this catastrophe
Who told you to believe me?
As long as Daddy's here you can put your mind to rest
Watermelon!
It was him in the taxi, right?
What makes you think that?
His appearance, his head, bald as a watermelon
Daddy'll find a solution
Please, God!
Daddy, Daddy!
Bombs!
- Don't be afraid - They’re going to kill me with bombs!
Don't be afraid. Dad's experimenting in his lab
I said before when I’m in the lab I’m not to be disturbed!
Sorry
but Adel needs your help with something
I have no time
Pass by same day next year
It's a matter of life or death
Come in
We don't need you, too!
Good Lord! The dog's crowing!
- It was originally a chicken - A chicken?
Yes, a chicken turned dog,
thanks to the new serum I discovered
It only looks like a dog but has all the characteristics of a chicken
That means it can lay eggs
Of course
Do the eggs hatch chickens or dogs?
I don't know. I prefer to eat them hard-boiled
Will you hear my story now?
I’ll listen as I work. Tell me
To be brief, I...
- Stop! - Stay with me, doctor
I’m with you, son
- To be brief... - I said stop!
What is it?
A snake!
Don't be afraid. It's a cat
- A cat?! - Yes
Aren't you afraid it may bite you?
It doesn't bite, it only scratches
- Scratches? - Yes
Didn't I say it was originally a cat?
- What's that? - Don't be afraid
It's a monkey that was originally a donkey
It's harmless, it only brays
- Originally a donkey? - Don't be afraid
Please help me out
I can't take this much longer
Yes... what's up?
The problem, doctor...
- Yes, yes? - Is that I...
- And? - That's the whole story
You’re wrong in what you did, son
What could I do? I was forced to
- What's that? - Don't be afraid, son
- What's that? - Carbon dioxide
Doctor, Potassium Nitrate has appeared in the solution
Add Magnesium and put it in
the oven and bring the results
She seems a dedicated girl. Is she from the College of Science?
No, she's from Tanash village
How so?
She was my cook till I trained her
She's my assistant now
But she's uneducated; how can you depend on her?
Would you have me bring someone educated to steal my discoveries?
- Excuse me - Go ahead, doctor
What's the solution to my problem, doctor?
What problem?
The one I explained to you nine times already
Ah, yes... Cucumber
Not Cucumber, Watermelon!
Yes, Watermelon. I’ll tell you
- Yes? - Hold this, please
- Excuse me - Look here, son...
Yes, doctor?
I’ll tell you what to do
- The beaker that was here... - Beaker!
What are you doing with it?
You gave it to me
Really! Have you come here to disturb me?
- Look, son... - Yes, doctor?
Keep your eye on this
- Hold this till I get back to you - Alright
Let me tell you, son...
What are you doing?
Didn't you tell me to hold this?
- Enough - Alright
What's the solution to my problem, please!
The only solution to your problem
is to disappear, then reappear in a new form
Meaning you’ll be Adel but in a different form
- How? - I’ll tell you
I’ll give you a shot of my serum and turn you into a dog
Then that man will never recognize you
That's a great idea!
I can sniff him out till I find him
and settle things with him
I accept, doctor
And afterwards you’ll turn me back into a human, of course
Unfortunately, I haven't developed a serum to turn you back
But I promise to develop it within 5 to 6 years
Six years! No, thanks. Goodbye
It's better than living in terror
I’d rather live my whole life in terror than be a dog
Just listen to me
No way, uncle
Take Daddy's advice and agree
- Agree to turn into a dog? - A dog?
I’ll inject him with my serum and turn him into a dog
so the killer can't recognize him
he’ll be a dog only in appearance
he’ll eat and drink just like a human
You call that a life? A dog eating with a knife and fork?
It’ll be a scientific breakthrough
It's an opportunity you mustn't waste
Yes, it's very interesting
It'll make you famous; you'll go into movies
- Certainly - Indeed
Let him inject you, wise guy
No way!
Make him agree, dear
Agree to what? And marry a Terrier?
I’ll make him a Poodle
Neither. I’m fine as I am
To hell with you, then. Let him kill you
I don't care
Alright
Don't open the door, it might be him
Had you listened to me you’d have nothing to worry about now
No
Don't be so scared, Adel. What would bring him here?
he’ll find me wherever I am to kill me
and cash the check
I’ll prove it's not him
Milkman
See? It's the milkman. Satisfied?
Take the serum and have done
I won't be a dog
Would you have the dog catchers get me?
Your nerves are in a bad way. Go upstairs and rest
- I’d better be going - Where to?
Would you run away and leave me in this mess?
Please stay, for my sake
- Alright then - Come
Will you take the serum so it won't be wasted?
Sorry. Be sensible, calm down
It's no more than a pin-prick
Sorry, find someone else
If I could, I’d take it myself
There!
A jack worth a million pounds!
What've you got?
- None of your business. Play - I win
Do you want to play again?
- Yes - No, that's enough
Good night
Amina, don't leave me alone, please
Don't be afraid, darling
Go to sleep and dream of ripe watermelons
Don't mention watermelons, please!
I want to live and enjoy your love or have you had enough of me?
Shame on you!
How could I live one second without you?
The problem is, I know that I don't
want to die and leave you alone
Do you love me?
Very much, and you?
I love you madly; I’d die for your happiness
- I can't hear a thing - I’m... I’m dead
It's only Dad working in his lab
He must've turned the maid into a monkey
Let's go see what's happening
- What is it? - What?
No, no!
One must sacrifice in the name of science
What happened to your face?
Science. That damn science that was forced upon me
I've had enough. I want to go back to my village
After being promoted from cook to lab assistant?
What've I to do with chemistry?
I want to work in the kitchen...
to make pudding, gravy, soup...
What've I to do with Carbon dioxide and all that?
You'll be a chemical cook, Ne'naa
People will call you madam Ne'naa, like madam Curie
To hell with that
The beaker that exploded in my face nearly took my head off
I’d rather go back home
And back to Zanaty?
Better than these bombs and rockets
blowing up in my face
- Ignorant woman! - Let her be, Dad
Go to bed, Ne'naa. We’ll talk in the morning
I’m not staying here. I’m going back to my village
- What? - Changed your mind?
No, I’m ignorant, too
So this serum will be wasted?
Put that thing down, Dad. Good night
Goodnight. Look here...
Yes?
You've shaken our nerves with your fuss
Go inject a beetroot or something
I should take the shot so it won't be wasted
Let it be wasted
Every time I prepare a shot it's wasted!
Darling Adel
Answer me
What's wrong?
Not even 6 buckets
full of water
can quench my fire
- Angry at me? - No, darling
I’m mad at my own stupidity
- I don't understand - Look...
I’m mad because I’m human
and emotion is my weakness
If I were an animal it would be different
If that bothers you
let Dad turn you
into any animal you like
I’m here
There's Dad
I’ll put your worries to rest
May God ruin you
I’m a doctor, like Einstein
- I have a brilliant mind - That's obvious
I’ll turn you into a swell animal you’ll be satisfied,
and bring me more customers
What do you want to be?
What do you have?
I have a variety of models
Long curved horns
Next
Those with tails, of pure breed
Next
I have other styles, all lovely
Now choose
something suitable for your age
- A donkey - Why, son?
Because he looks like you, Uncle
Oh, my love
The story of our love
Can be told in a book
Tell me to go faster
I’m four legged now
Before you changed I forgot to warn you
Don't let a she-donkey change you, leaving me to cry at night
You’re the fodder of my soul, my love
You’re my life, my love
If I don't keep my word
Deprive me of my harness
Let's take a walk in the fresh air
Let's sing and bray together
I’ll tell my breaking heart
to unburden its load
Dearer to me than life,
you who hold my reins
Take me on your back
Far away from the world
Far away
You and I
Far away, Amina
Our days will be fodder
Our nights will be beans
O sun, do not set
before witnessing that my love for her
is as immortal as you
You may set, O sun
But my love for her will never set
Amina!
Adel
Come closer,
sweet ripe banana
What?
- A kiss, please - I can't
Don't run away
and leave me on fire
Give me a kiss, please
Who? Watermelon? Not me
What is this?
What is it, Adel?
In the name of Allah the Merciful!
- What happened? - A nightmare
- A terrifying nightmare - A nightmare?
You scared me! Go back to sleep and pull the covers tight
Please bring me some water; my mouth's dry
Alright. Always bothering me!
Please, please
Nabih, Nabih
Got him! Come here
Adel, I caught Watermelon!
- Don't let him go - I’ll kill him
Hold on to him!
I’ll beat him to death
- Hold on to him - I’ll kill him!
- Don't let him go - I’ll tear him apart,
slit his throat!
Good, Nabih, you caught him
I’ll kill him
- Who? - Watermelon
Hold on to him; I’ll get the serum to try on him
- Don't let him go - Adel!
Hide me from Watermelon!
- From Watermelon? - Yes
I thought you were Watermelon
- Me? - Sorry
Me?
Where is he? Watermelon!
Don't let him go
I’m Watermelon?
Don't let him go!
- I’m Watermelon? - Peace upon you
Peace upon you
Come in, please
Come drink your tea, son
Tea? My nerves are in shreds
I can't stay here after today
Where'll you go? You’re safe here amongst us
Being amongst you has brought me more trouble
I’m so sorry; I thought you were Watermelon
You should've made sure first, before lashing out at me!
I’ll add some beetroot extract to your tea
to calm your nerves
No beetroot or tomato extract; I’m fine, where's Amina?
She went to the seamstress, wedding preparations, remember?
Wedding preparations! I fear this wedding will never be held
Don't be pessimistic
Give us some beetroot
With pleasure
I hope it's a big beetroot... that's enough
- She's back - Daddy...
- What's wrong, dear? - Come here
What is it?
See that guy beside the doorman?
What about him?
He followed me all the way home
I’m ruined!
Wait. Ne'naa, call the doorman
Let me out of here, I beg you
What for? He can't touch you
What are you going to do?
I’ll turn him into a cockroach!
By the time you turn him into a cockroach I’ll be dead
- Yes? - Tell me, Gadallah...
Wait, Amina
- Tell me, Hassaballah - Gadallah, sir
Tell me...
Who's the man who was with you just now?
- The mustached one? - He has a mustache, too?!
Then it's him!
Did he say anything to you?
He asked if you were engaged
What did you say?
That she was engaged to Mr. Adel
Did he ask who Mr. Adel was,
where he lives, what he does?
- He did - And you told him?
- I did - Beautiful!
- I told him, really - Beautiful!
- I told him - Damn you!
What's he saying?
I can't stay here another minute
- Wait, Adel - No way!
Wait, man, where are you going?
Would you have me stay here and die? I’m going
Dr. Louis Tawfik Specialist in nervous disorders
Yes?
Keep them away! They’re going to kill me!
Who's going to kill you?
The guy I hired to kill me
Calm down
You hired someone to kill you?
Yes. I gave him 100 Pounds
100 Pounds to kill you?
In advance, and a check for 400 Pounds,
- to be cashed after my death - And?
He took the 100 Pounds and said he’d send Watermelon
A watermelon for 100 Pounds?
No. Watermelon's going to kill me
- Watermelon works for... - Grape fruit
Grape fruit? Is this some joke?
I’m serious
Easy, now... calm down
Come in
Yes?
Bring Hassanein and come
Hurry, please
I’m scared... please help me
Don't worry, you’re safe here
Watermelon can never get in here
Bless you! I’m a coward, you see
Hide him before Watermelon kills him
Thank you, sir
- You’re welcome - Hey! What's this?
It's for Watermelon
Take him inside till the asylum van arrives
I’ll call them immediately
May God ruin you!
D'you think I’m crazy? I’m not crazy
I’ll take this to court! I must take it to court!
I’ll sue you!
I’m not crazy
I’m... Open the door!
Quiet
Silence
- What's with him? - He's crazy
Why isn't he wearing a straightjacket like me?
He's slightly nuts
but you’re seriously nuts
Not at all. If you heard my story you’d pity me
- Your story? - Yes
- You have a story? - Yes, really
- What is it? - I’ll tell you
- Watermelon... - Watermelon?
- Not you too! - You know him?
Know him? He's the one who got me sent here!
- How? - Sit down and I’ll tell you
One day I bought a watermelon...
- No, I mean Watermelon... - I’m getting to that
I came to cut the watermelon and the knife went inside it...
- I want to say... - I’m getting to that
I went in to get the knife out of the watermelon
Suddenly I found myself inside it
- Stay with me - I’m with you
I found myself inside... The watermelon
What's driving me nuts now is that I don't know...
Am I inside the watermelon or outside?
Inside the watermelon. Are you with me?
Sir, I want to...
Stay with me
- Inside the watermelon... - Yes
- Outside the watermelon... - I want to explain...
Inside the watermelon...
Outside the watermelon
Inside the watermelon...
Yes... Outside the watermelon
Enough! Sit down
Forget the watermelon, man
Listen
Would you do me a favour for 5 Pounds?
- 5 Pounds? - Yes, really
- What's the favour? - Untie my hands
With pleasure. For 5 Pounds?
For 5 Pounds; I swear to you I’m sane
- Hand over the 5 Pounds - Here
- Happy? - Great
Thank you, goodbye
- Come here - What?
What do you mean goodbye? Where are you going?
- Out - How can you get out?
Listen!
He's right!
- Listen - What?
- Put the straightjacket on me - What'll you do?
None of your business
Alright, I’ll put it on you
Put it on
I’ll put it on you
- Tie me up - Alright
- Put this on - There
Put your arm here
The other hand
- Now you’re... - Inside the watermelon
- And me? - Outside the watermelon
- You’re? - Inside the watermelon
- I’m? - Outside the watermelon
- You’re inside... - The watermelon
- I’m outside... - The watermelon
Have some mercy on me, people!
The lunatic's escaped!
What a crazy world!
They’re chasing the sane man and leaving the lunatic
- He ran this way - No this way
- This way, I said - No this way
There he is
We were worried sick about you
Hide me. I want to live
I want to enjoy more of life
Don't worry, nobody can touch you
All this and nobody can touch me?
Don't be afraid. Come with me
I can't come with you. Police!
Why not?
I must give myself up to the police
Jail is the safest place to hide from the killers
Calm down
Come with me; I’ll hide you at our farm
That's a good idea
D'you think nobody will be able to find me?
- Of course - Let's go
- Come on - Excuse me
- What? - Are you kidding?
You got me in this mess and you want to go? You’re coming with me
Alright
Strange! There's nobody here, not even the watchman
Shall I go get the key from the head of the guards?
Yes, quickly
What's wrong, Adel? Get up
I’m afraid they might take me by surprise
Who would come here? You’re safe
Get out, man
Sheikh Elwan... Sheikh Elwan!
Ne'naa! Welcome!
You scented bag of gunpowder, commander of my heart!
Without you I’m like an empty rifle
Really, Zananty!
Say you want me., say it!
I've no time for you. Where’re the keys to the house?
The mistress and her fiancé are waiting at the door
So? I've been waiting for you all this time
My heart's on fire with longing
Sheikh Elwan!
At a time like this?
Ne'naa! How are you?
Quick, the keys to the house. The mistress is here
For shame! Come with me
Welcome, ma’am. You honour the village
Thank you
Come rest at my house till we prepare the house
There's no need
What's wrong, Mr. Adel?
Adel's a bit nervous. Some people want to kill him
Please guard the house well, Sheikh Elwan
This can never happen while I’m here
I’m the keeper of law and order in this area
Not even an ant moves without my knowledge
Rest assured, Mr. Adel and eat ripe watermelons
Just don't mention watermelons
Guard the house well
Certainly. I’ll appoint Zanaty to guard it
Not an ant will come near it
Ne'naa!
These mosquitoes are eating me up alive
Must you remind me?
I can't sleep either
Mosquitoes everywhere. This is impossible
Nabih!
What, what?
Help!
- Ne'naa! - Who is it?
It's Zanaty
It's Zanaty the guard!
You terrified me!
What do you want at this hour?
Pardon me I was checking the doors
to protect you from those lying in wait
Rest assured nothing can get to you
Thanks, Zanaty
You scared us, man!
- Well, good night - Good night
Ne'naa!
Who's outside?
It's Zanaty, I’m checking the doors
to locate the position of the victims
You’re to guard the house from the outside, understood?
Understood, ma’am
This is crazy!
The men are there and the women here...
so where's Ne'naa?
Where’re your brains, detective?
Where's your brilliance?
Get lost or I’ll thrash you!
Give me a kiss
- A kiss? - Yes
Get lost or this'll be a black night for you
Get lost!
Hey! She twisted me!
Oh, no!
Help! Help! Mr. Adel, Mr. Nabih, mistress Amina!
- What is it, gal? - Good God!
Who did I just hit right now?
The killer must be here
What is it?
The killer was here just now
Don't worry; I have him in custody;
just leave him to me. I’ll kill him
You've fallen into merciless hands!
I’ll show you, murderer!
What's this?
The criminal who had you terrorized lasted just seconds in my hands
It's Dad! Are you hurt, Dad?
- Where is she? - Who?
- Where did she go? - Who?
Move
My head, my head
What brought you here, Dad?
I just finished my new invention
I came to try it out on Ne'naa
No, never!
Is this the quiet of the countryside?
I can't stay here another minute
I told you there's no place safer than my own home
At least there I can give the killer a shot
and turn him into a dog
Now we can think sensibly
Great
- What do you say, son? - To what?
I say take the serum and end your troubles
Anything but that
What about you?
No way. I already agreed to the beetroot
- I say, Uncle... - Yes?
If you insist on trying the serum on someone why not yourself?
I've no objection
Come with me. I’ll give it you myself
- Please don't, Dad? - Why not?
I can't be the daughter of a... dog!
- Excuse me now - What about Watermelon?
What watermelon?
Yes! I remember now
- The solution's simple - Tell me
Go to this Watermelon's house
If I knew where he lived I’d have gone already
Look him up in the phone book under "W"
and you’ll find the name...
Wahid, Wagdi...
Watermelon
A murderer like him
wouldn't have his name and number listed
You’re right
Alright, don't go to his house
Gangsters like him have special places where they go
- Special "stops" - And where's his stop?
Al-Ghafir cemetery for example,
Al-Mahamara, Abul Saud...
Abul Saud... Abul Saud...
Yes, it's Abul Saud!
- Who's Abul Saud? - Must be his dad
It's the name of a neighborhood They sit at certain cafés there
Why would the killer go to Abul Saud?
I just remembered...
When the thief made the deal with me
He swore by Abul Saud to keep his word
Go to Abul Saud, then
Thank God! Thank you, Uncle
- You’re welcome - Thank you
Nabih, off to Abul Saud
- Let's go - Wait
What?
How can I go when Watermelon's waiting downstairs?
Yes, right
It's very simple
Don't tell me to take the shot again
- Yes - No. Find another solution
How'll you get out... how?
Listen
Excuse me, pal
Your servant
Where do the big chiefs sit?
Be clearer, which chiefs?
The pros, the big fish
Loan sharks, thieves, bullies...
or doctors of the afterlife?
Good Lord! So many fish in the sea!
You're from Alexandria?
Figure it out yourself
Which way?
Walk straight, turn left,
straight to the end of the street, then right
You'll find El-Mazag bar in front of you
- Thanks, pal - Welcome
Did you hear him? Go, driver
Give me alky
One alky coming up
Another round here
Not now. Where's Mabrad?
Checking out the flat for tonight's job
Mansour El-A'war's here
Oh no! Say it's not so!
I gave him wrong directions
- How did you recognize him? - For shame!
It's true no one in Abul Saud has ever seen him except Sonou
but I recognized him the minute he opened his mouth
What does he look like? Is he well-built?
He's a little guy; you could blow him away with one breath
But they say he's so strong
Mabrad's going to lose his status
They say Mansour swore on his father's life
to wipe him out
He’d do it. They say he's fearless
What now, men? Mabrad's our brother
Hankara, run and warn him
- Right away - Goodbye
- Where to? - To make myself scarce
he’ll kill me for giving him wrong directions
Are you sure the bar is next to the café in the square?
- That's right - Thanks, pal
No trouble
Why did the first guy lie to us?
- Get a hold... - He must've recognized me
Get a hold on yourself
We’re almost there so get a grip
Tear into them or we’ll give ourselves away
Stop bugging me
Driver, to the café we stopped at before
Stop!
What's with you, boy?
Forget about them, they’re schmucks
What does that mean?
I don't know
Play!
Two whiskeys
With pleasure
Here you go, chief
Two alkys on the rocks
Ready
He's serving alkys from the whiskey barrel
He's a swindler. Whiskey doesn't come in a barrel
- Mr. Wer-wer - Yes, Sayed?
My ma asks you to fill this primus for her
Sure, Sayed
- Here - Thanks
Bye, Sayed
What're you doing?
It's to scare them
Just take a good look at them
and find your man so we can get out of here
Alright
Let's lighten things up before it gets ugly
Welcome, Mansour
- You honour Cairo - How?
With your presence,
do you think we don't know who you are?
Had we known you’d be honouring us with a visit
we’d have spread the ground with Henna
Well, I’m here
A big salute to the big chief
Enough!
A salute to Mansour El-A'war
El-A'war
Enough! The big boss is here
- We’re in trouble - Let's get out of here
Get a grip
This is an honour, A'war
Who're you?
Your servant El-A'war
I admire you so much that I put my eye out to be like you
Welcome to you
Want me to put out the other?
Why not leave it,
so I can see you and wink at you?
I've longed to meet you and learn at your hands
how to do the scissor stab, the razor swipe,
and the head butt
you’ll see them for yourself when that bastard Mabrad gets here
A big Salute to El-A'war
A salute
Bring that table, boy
A salute to good manners
Good manners
Not to the people coming to threaten us
Not them!
A salute to men who think straight
- Think straight - A salute
- Who does he mean? - Me, of course
Thank God!
Why're you quiet? Afraid of him?
I don't want to dirty my hands with his filthy blood
Go wring him out and pick your teeth with him
I already brushed my teeth this morning
Get up or I’ll knock them out
Alright
I’ll break the neck of anyone who says a word
What do you want, kid?
By God, I’ll make mince-meat of you
- Mince-meat? - Yes
So?
By my honour...
I'll make an omelet of you
- An omelet? - Yes
Take this
- Is the burial shroud ready? - For whom?
- Me - Come here
Nobody move!
Give yourself up, Mansour El-A'war
You won't get away this time
- There's Watermelon - Excuse me
Where to?
To give myself in place of El-A'war
Jail is the safest place to hide from the killers
- Are you nuts? - Let me go
Arrest me, officer
Are you Mansour El-A'war?
Who else? Arrest me and have done
- Jail is for the brave - Come with me, you criminal
The man's gone nuts! He gave himself in
Is he nuts or what?
- Open up, Sayed - Thanks, Sayed
- Close the door, Sayed - Here, brother
Bless you
- Out with it - What?
- The cigarette pack - Sure
Here, here
- Got any matches? - No
A cigarette, brother? One left
Brother!
You! My 400 Pounds are guaranteed
What good luck!
I've changed my mind
But I didn't; this isn't child's play
I can't believe you came all the way to me
But I don't want to die
Don't be afraid. I know you’re a coward
I’ll kill you like we agreed, by surprise
Pretend you don't notice me and leave the rest to me
Look, keep the money you took but let me be
I don't take dirty money!
I got my fee and must finish the job
What you want to do is a mistake
I’m carrying out your request
Now pretend you don't notice and let's get it over with
You keep saying that
- Well, I notice you! - That's your problem
Wait till we get out of here or they’ll arrest you
So? That’ll make it 150 years
150 years?
My jail sentence. I’m already sentenced to 125 years
May God give you more blessings
That will happen when I kill you
Why didn't you kill me from the start?
It was out of my control
The minute I left you I got arrested
I’m an ex-con, as you know
Yes, and I came to you on my own two feet!
It was fated, so I could keep my word
- Now let's do it - Help! Help!
Go back!
See? No one can save you
It's enough I was forced to let you live all this time
Police! Officer!
Shut up, don't be a coward
The man you arrested isn't Mansour El-A'war
- He's my friend, Adel El-Mohandes - But he confessed
He did it on purpose to go to jail
To him it's the safest place in the world
Some people are trying to kill him
- Can you prove what you’re saying? - May I use the phone?
- Go ahead - Thank you
Nabih! Where are you? We’re worried
Darb El-Ahmar police station? How's Adel?
What're you doing there?
The I. D? Alright
I’ll go see Mr. Fouad the lawyer and be right over
D.A.'s office
What made him do that?
His fear of the criminal he paid to kill him
I've never seen such a case before
Come in
Bring Adel El-Mohandes here
Yes, sir
I assure you Adel has nothing to do with Mansour El-A'war
Adel's a kind man, fears his own shadow
Help, help!
Come down, you coward
Let me kill you and ease my conscience
Help, officer! Help!
- Get down - Leave him to me, officer
Keep away, you criminal
I’m a man of conscience,
I took money from this guy to do a job
and he won't let me do it
- Give him his money back - I spent it
- Then do the job - Alright
No, he wants to kill me!
Kill you!
Come say that before the D.A.
- Come here... - Keep away
You won't get away; I’ll be out of here in 125 years
What logic is this? You paid a criminal to kill you?
That's what happened
What made you do that?
Too much drink. That's what made me do it
Damn the drink!
I request the release of my client unconditionally
The accused Adel El-Mohandes is to be released without bail
I can't leave or he’ll kill me
Who?
The man I made the deal with is here in detainment
He refuses to go back on our deal
The man's been sentenced to 125 years
You may go and put your mind to rest
Bless you, sir
Long live justice!
I feel like I've been reborn
Congratulations, Adel
Welcome back, Adel
Thanks, Amina
Let's go; we have to make up for lost time
Let's go
No!
Officer! Police!
Why're you calling for the police, sir?
To arrest you, you murderer
You're wrong, I’m no murderer
Then why were you following him all this time?
To ask him for work in the movies
Work in the movies? What for?
Because I look like "Yul Brynner"
May God ruin you!
Please, sir! I have talent
Why should I give you a job?
Aren't you the actor Fouad El-Mohandes?
He's Adel, my fiancé
No way! You look exactly like him
It's not me, now get away from me
Where can I find Fouad El-Mohandes?
At the Television Theatre
- Will he give me a job? - No doubt about it
especially as you have a lovely bald head
- And the rest of the band? - Band?!
Yes, the Local Beatles
Good Lord!
The End